[personal profile] ignited_spirit
"So, when do we get to hear another wonderful speech from you, Jennifer?", I was asked last night. I made up some half-truthful story about how busy I have been, and how I had to re-think what I was going to talk about. There was no way I could admit the full truth to my fellow Toastmaster (and friend).

The truth is is that I am terrified of one of our other members. I remember when she berated me in front of a few members for making a mistake on something that was not related to the meeting. I have heard her condescending evaluations of other members. I will never forget the one evening when I overheard her remarking to another member about how she could not evaluate the cooking demonstration speech that night because the speaker "forgot part of the recipe". I have read many a rude e-mail from this woman as well. I often dread coming to meetings because I am afraid of what she will say about me. I am a very sensitive soul, and things that should not bother me often do.

I cannot speak up about how I feel because this member attends the same church as someone who is high up in TM in our city, and I do not want our club to face any consequences. Besides, what if I am the only person in our club who feels that way? I do not want to lose everything I have worked hard to gain.

For now, my thoughts, feelings, and my next speech will remain caged up inside of me.

Date: 2010-03-12 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plastrickland23.livejournal.com
Awwww...That's terrible to feel that way. I worked w someone who made me feel like that. I couldn't trust her to give me a decent review. I quit and got another job on my own merit before I had to use her as a reference.

Main thing...If it's emotionally toxic because of her, can you find another group? P.

Date: 2010-03-15 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I'm looking more seriously at other groups (I had before, but between inconvenient times/location and more expensive fees, it did not seem worth it at the time).

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Jenn

October 2010

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