[personal profile] ignited_spirit
"So, when do we get to hear another wonderful speech from you, Jennifer?", I was asked last night. I made up some half-truthful story about how busy I have been, and how I had to re-think what I was going to talk about. There was no way I could admit the full truth to my fellow Toastmaster (and friend).

The truth is is that I am terrified of one of our other members. I remember when she berated me in front of a few members for making a mistake on something that was not related to the meeting. I have heard her condescending evaluations of other members. I will never forget the one evening when I overheard her remarking to another member about how she could not evaluate the cooking demonstration speech that night because the speaker "forgot part of the recipe". I have read many a rude e-mail from this woman as well. I often dread coming to meetings because I am afraid of what she will say about me. I am a very sensitive soul, and things that should not bother me often do.

I cannot speak up about how I feel because this member attends the same church as someone who is high up in TM in our city, and I do not want our club to face any consequences. Besides, what if I am the only person in our club who feels that way? I do not want to lose everything I have worked hard to gain.

For now, my thoughts, feelings, and my next speech will remain caged up inside of me.

Date: 2010-03-10 03:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pixie117.livejournal.com
That sucks :( Had you considered going to another groups meeting before? Her attitude is just horrible,

Date: 2010-03-15 02:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I had thought about it, but between inconvenient meeting time/location, and increased costs, it did not seem worth it at that time. I might look into it more now, though.

Date: 2010-03-10 04:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaypea1180.livejournal.com
Aww, I'm sorry she was mean like that. People like that live to make others feel horrible. Its almost like they feel so bad about themselves that they need to treat others like crap to feel better. If it were me and the chatter on her end continued, I'd probably say something. Its not fair for you to be afraid to speak up...:(

Date: 2010-03-15 02:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
It is getting to that point where I might end up speaking up about this - it tarnishes their reputation.

Date: 2010-03-10 05:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenandbronze.livejournal.com
Oh hugs... I have the philosophy, that there is always going to be at least one bad apple in everything, and I've learned to build a tough shield and not let emotions get in my way and to be strong. I used to be sensitive but over time I've learned that I just can't let people bother me that way any more.

Didn't you also look into other TM clubs in the area to see if it was more to your liking?

Date: 2010-03-15 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I had looked into it, but the time/location did not work (and some of the other clubs' fees were more expensive). I think I will look more seriously at other clubs now.

Date: 2010-03-10 03:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adamant-turtle.livejournal.com
While I understand how you feel, I definitely DO think you should speak up! For one thing, this person is not God; their word is not the be-all, end-all; and for another, this group is supposed to be a fun one for everyone! You have just as much right to be there and to enjoy yourself as anyone else. If someone's taking away from that, why not speak up?

I hope it all works out...

Date: 2010-03-15 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I hope it works out, too. It really is not fair that one person is destroying things.

Date: 2010-03-10 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sillyliss.livejournal.com
Your next speech should be subtly about people who intimidate others -- how they do it and contemplate if they know they are doing it or not -- and how difficult it is to get up in front of people when you know how harshly you are being judged. I bet you are not the only person in the group who feels this way.

Date: 2010-03-10 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hiddenstarlight.livejournal.com
Great idea! you should totally do this.

Date: 2010-03-15 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
It's coming up.

Date: 2010-03-11 05:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sharya.livejournal.com
Brilliant idea!

And to the OP - I enjoyed your take on the prompt!

Date: 2010-03-15 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2010-03-12 02:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] libra-dragon.livejournal.com
I agree...this a good idea

Date: 2010-03-15 02:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
It's coming up.

Date: 2010-03-15 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I think not the next one, but the one after that will be about that. Sadly, I don't think she will get the hint, but it is worth it.

Date: 2010-03-10 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] porcelain-ocean.livejournal.com
I bet you're not the only person in the group who feels this way, but because she throws her weight around (going to the same church as a big wig TM seems like a silly connection, maybe if they were actually good friends) people, like you rightly do, feel they'll be punished doubly by her and by other TMs.

If you ever feel confident enough to do another speech I like the idea [livejournal.com profile] sillyliss has about talking about intimidation. I think it could be very liberating for you to be able to put it out there in the open without directly pointing fingers, but also to know you're talking about her and she may or may not pick up on it but other members will. That might be the boost the other members need to raise their voices too.

Good luck babe, it's a tough situation to be in but you're a tough cookie and can make it through this.

Date: 2010-03-15 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I'm thinking about doing that(I was going to talk about workplace bullying eventually anyway).

Thank you!!!

Date: 2010-03-10 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] landorki.livejournal.com
this can not be right! sometimes standing up for yourself is the best thing you can do for others... I hope things work out for you because I really see how you like this group. You can't let one person ruin it for you!

Date: 2010-03-15 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I hope things work out as well.

Date: 2010-03-12 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plastrickland23.livejournal.com
Awwww...That's terrible to feel that way. I worked w someone who made me feel like that. I couldn't trust her to give me a decent review. I quit and got another job on my own merit before I had to use her as a reference.

Main thing...If it's emotionally toxic because of her, can you find another group? P.

Date: 2010-03-15 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
I'm looking more seriously at other groups (I had before, but between inconvenient times/location and more expensive fees, it did not seem worth it at the time).

Date: 2010-03-12 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theheartoflife.livejournal.com
I doubt you are the only one who feels that way! She sounds like a real bitch. Try not to let her get you down. She obviously has issues of her own and wants to be the person who terrifies others.

Date: 2010-03-15 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
She is a real bitch!!!!

Date: 2010-03-13 01:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lawchicky.livejournal.com
How horrible! It seems really unfair to take a group that's meant to help people grow their confidence and use it as an attempt to intimidate or bully people :(

Date: 2010-03-15 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
It is really unfair. It destroys the reputation of the group!!!

Date: 2010-03-13 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beautyofgrey.livejournal.com
It's hard when other people make us feel like we have to keep quiet.

*hugs*

Date: 2010-03-15 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] so-small.livejournal.com
*hugs* It is very hard.
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