Dec. 20th, 2009

This conversation happens every year.

"So, Jennifer. What are your plans for Christmas?"

"Well, my dad, sister, and I are having a ham dinner on Christmas Eve, then we are going down to my "cousin"'s (my dad's best friend's daughter) place for Christmas Eve. Christmas Day, we're having a turkey dinner," I answer.

Then comes the judgemental stares and tone of voice. The probing question that always makes me feel like a horrible person.

"Well, what about your mother?"

"My parents are divorced, and my mother lives out of province," I meekly reply. "She will not be alone at Christmas, so there is no need to worry about that," I add.

"That's no excuse," I hear. "You should go and visit her. You have that week between Christmas and New Years off". More attempts to make feel like a horrible person because I do not spend the holidays with my mother. At this point, I start feeling very uncomfortable and walk away from the conversation. I do not need to justify myself to those nosy people.

My mother and I have not spoken in four years. I broke free of her lies, drama, abuse, and manipulation that had went on for as long as I can remember. I know that not having a relationship with my mother makes me a reprobate, but I think trying to have a phony mother-daughter relationship to appease people would make me an even bigger one.

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Jenn

October 2010

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